Why I Left Dating Apps (And What Church, Tinder & a Married Man Taught Me About Love)

By Alison

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”

– Mandy Hale

When the Universe Sends a Nudge (Through Tinder, Church, and a Glance Across the Aisle)

Life has a funny way of synchronizing events—just enough to let you know you're on the right path, even if you didn’t ask for confirmation. Over the past year I have learned to follow the signs, the synchroneities, and asking for a sign when I’m unsure. There are moments when events pick up, but also times when I need to pause and let events around me happen.

Every week I pick a topic to write about from a journal of over 100 topics (yes, I have a lot to say). This week? Dating sites. And let me be real for a moment: I rolled my eyes at myself. Why would I write about dating? I haven’t been on a date in over a year. My last experience with dating sites wasn’t exactly a fairy tale—it was more of a cautionary tale. So, what could I possibly teach anyone about dating apps? Except probably what not to do or what not to believe.

But the universe said, “Write it anyway.” So here I am, writing about dating sites on a Sunday, and of course, today of all days, I have a moment that ties everything together like a bow you didn’t expect. So, I had to start writing this blog because the alignment and the inspiration in this piece is just ironic. Even when I was leaving church telling my friend about the irony of the events, I was in a little disbelief.

A Glance Across the Aisle

I was sitting in church with my mom and a childhood friend, feeling pretty grounded—until I felt it. Someone staring. Yes, I’m one of those people who can sense energy. And sure enough, I looked from the corner of my eye and saw him… Peter (changed name of course), he was staring at me.

Now, Peter and I dated briefly last year—about three months. I met him on Tinder (yes, I know). He was charming, kind, had a job (that is a bonus in today’s dating society), seemed emotionally available, and told me he was divorcing his wife in August. But as time went on, I sensed something was off. Call it intuition or the gift of lived experience, but I knew he wasn’t being fully honest. So, I walked away, my soul needed more. I needed more.

Today, Peter sat across the church with another woman and her son—not his wife. Let me remind you, he’s still married. The sermon? About faithfulness in marriage, sexual sin, and infidelity. You can’t make this stuff up. And once the sermon was over, he left through the side door as fast he could – not sure if it was to avoid me or realizing what he has been doing. Karma has perfect timing. So does the truth.

Why I Got on Tinder?

As the sermon unfolded, so did my reflections. My mind wandered back to why I joined Tinder in the first place. A coworker, who also lost her husband to suicide over eight years ago, shared something with me that stuck: “Don’t wait too long. Try dating again—or you might forget how.” Her vulnerability nudged me to at least try because she was absolutely terrified of letting someone in after being closed off for so many years.

So, I downloaded Tinder. And wow… the dating world had changed. Some men were honest. Many weren’t. I met married men who claimed to be single, men in open marriages, men in denial about their marital status altogether. It was confusing, sometimes funny, mostly disappointing. There were some single males, or males who have never been married – I could tell why they were never married in an instant. But it was exactly what I needed to see.

Through all of that, I realized I didn’t truly know what I wanted. I wasn’t looking for another husband or even a boyfriend. Maybe, I was just trying to see if I could feel again. To be wanted. To talk to an adult. To be called beautiful. To be called by name, instead of Mommy. But deep down, I knew I wasn’t ready for emotional attachment. After losing my husband, I was scared of opening that door only to lose someone again. Grief makes the heart cautious, even when it craves love.

But here’s what Tinder—and yes, even Peter—taught me: I do want love. Not the swipe right for chemistry kind. The real kind. The trust you with my heart kind. The let's laugh and grow old kind. I wanted what I use to have.

The Shift That Changed Everything

Over this past year, I’ve stayed off the dating sites. I’ve turned inward, choosing to heal, reflect, and grow. I started listening to my soul, healing myself from my emotional loss.  I’ve become more aware of the energy I put out—and the energy I attract. When I was feeling low, lost, unsure? I met people who mirrored that. When I started thinking differently, moving differently, growing? That low-vibration energy faded. It’s not magic; it’s alignment.

I believe in serendipity. In timing. In divine appointments. And I’ve come to accept that love—true love—might not show up on a screen. It might show up at the grocery store, at an art gallery, or even (yes) in church. And I’ll know it when the energy is right. There is no need to rush because now my heart is open and I’m in alignment for receiving.

Technology has taken away some of the mystery and magic of dating. It’s made it faster, yes—but also more disposable. More performative. Less felt. I’m not saying it’s all bad. I’m saying it wasn’t right for me—not this time. Plus, it does work for a lot people, it worked for me once.