My Journey Back to Faith: Finding God in Loss, Motherhood, and Community

By Alison

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase."

— Martin Luther King Jr.

My Journey Back to Faith

Spirituality has always been the thread that pulls me back to my faith. Over the years, I’ve stepped away from church for many reasons—pregnancy, work, exhaustion, mom guilt about leaving my children in Sunday School, or simply a lack of motivation. Whatever the excuse, life always seemed to get in the way. But whenever something significant—whether incredible or tragic—was about to happen, I would feel that undeniable nudge to return. God knew I would need His support, and He always guided me back. Each time, the church welcomed me with open arms, offering safety and understanding.

When David and I met in May 2014, our faith was part of the foundation of our relationship. We talked about how we wanted to raise our children, what role religion would play in our lives, and how important it was to keep God at the center of our marriage. We asked his family pastor to marry us and went through premarital counseling, which I highly recommend to any couple. It opened doors to conversations about raising children, discipline, love languages, and expectations in marriage. Faith became woven into our relationship, even as life kept us busy.

Childhood Faith and Baptism

I grew up Baptist, spending most Sundays at church, singing in the choir, and attending Sunday School. Some of my fondest memories are tied to those traditions—Easter egg hunts on the church lawn, the magic of Christmas services, and dressing up in my prettiest holiday outfits. Church was not only a place of worship, but also a place of family, joy, and belonging.

A couple of months before my baptism, though, I drifted away from regular attendance. Not for any specific reason—life simply got busy, especially on the weekends. Still, the desire to be baptized and openly declare my faith never left my heart.

That moment finally came on Easter Sunday in 2017, when David and I decided to get baptized together. We discovered a Baptist church in our new town during the November 2016 election. I remember walking through the sanctuary after casting my vote in the presidential election there and thinking, This is it. This is our next step.

That church entered our lives when we weren’t even searching. We had just moved, and we were carrying the heartbreak of a miscarriage then I had an unexpected back surgery from a herniated disc. Becoming parents was a dream for us, but the journey wasn’t easy. Stepping into that church, though, I felt a sense of peace and belonging. Deep down, I knew God had placed it in our path for a reason—that this was where He wanted us to be.

David’s Burdens and Trust in God

During the baptism meeting with the pastor, David opened up about the heavy burdens he carried—the pressure of family life, fear of failure, and the feeling that everything rested on his shoulders. Even though we were a team, he felt he had to bear it all. Sharing that with the pastor helped him release some of the weight and remember to trust Jesus to help carry the load. I was so proud of him in that moment, even though I couldn’t have imagined how those pressures would impact him in the years ahead. I felt his emotions as he spoke, not realizing how much it affected him mentally.

When Motherhood Took Priority

Our attendance at that church didn’t last long after the baptism. We found out we were pregnant that summer through IVF treatments, which we were very grateful, but also wanted to be careful so we didn’t lose another pregnancy. Then after giving birth to our daughter mom guilt set in. With only two days off each week, I wanted every moment with my children. Still, the pull to return to church never left.

A Church That Became Family

In May 2021, we revisited the idea of church while searching for childcare. The cost of daycare in Raleigh was staggering—nearly $4,000 a month for three children—and I found myself asking why I was working so hard only to lose both money and precious time with my children. That’s when we turned our attention to a church program.

From the moment I visited, a sense of peace washed over me. I remember coming home that evening, excitedly sharing every detail with David. I told him, how right it felt—as if it were an answer to our prayers. For the first time in a long time, I felt we had found not just a program for our children, but a community for our family.

Just one month later, David passed away. And that church—the very place where my children had only just begun attending—became our refuge. Though they barely knew us, they surrounded me with compassion and care. They hosted David’s celebration of life, offered counseling, and provided meals for my family as relatives poured in from out of town. In those heartbreaking days, their love carried me. I knew without a doubt that God had placed us there, preparing the way for the hardest season of my life. What I thought was simply a solution for childcare turned out to be so much more.

Finding New Community Through My Children

This past year, I finally brought my children more fully into church life. What began with enrolling my son in a basketball program unexpectedly led us to a welcoming church community. While attending the program, I discovered they also offered childcare and preschool.

With my youngest son being spirited and very familiar with “time out” at his previous school, I realized he needed a fresh start to be Kindergarten-ready—and perhaps fewer parent-teacher conferences about behavior!

While visiting the church’s impressive school program, I was introduced to the Sunday School coordinator and learned about their children’s ministry and adult programs. I was struck by how friendly and genuine everyone was, and I felt certain this was the right place for my children. Once again, church found me—and I knew it was time to bring God fully back to the center of our lives.