Happiness Begins with Gratitude

By Alison

“Gratitude creates space for something new. It creates room for healing to occur, intentions to show up, miracles to happen.”
— Pam Grout

Happiness begins with gratitude.

What is gratitude? I asked that question to myself quite a bit while following up with, what is happiness? I didn’t know those feelings anymore or recognize them in myself. So, let's start off with defining gratitude: gratitude is a feeling of appreciation that we have for people or experiences that helped us with our life. It is a feeling of joy, feeling alive, happy, and fulfilled with your life. By feeling appreciate with your life you feel more content, optimistic and strong spirited while showing more kindness and compassionate for others in your life. Great concept, right?

Emotionless Gestures.

One of the hardest emotions for me to show after David’s passing was gratitude, because I was not happy. I didn’t know what gratitude meant or felt like anymore – how to show it or how to accept it. I said, ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ as the polite gestures, but the words with hold meaning to anyone I said them to; they were meaningless words. It wasn’t intentional, but I was just in a fog, at a lost, and didn’t understand the meaning of life since I was a depressed, anxious soul.

Furthermore, I felt as though everyone took pity on me and my situation, so they wanted to help, they felt it was the right thing to do – the society norm. People would come over to watch my children, bring food (even though I wasn’t eating), help pack up my house, clean the gruesome area of the shed so I could sell the house, help finish the renovations of the house, and just numerous other little tasks. All I wanted to ask was ‘Where were you before? Why all of a sudden do you want to be a part of my life now?’ Was it to only report back to others how I am doing, so you will have a new topic of conversation or did the gesture actually come from your heart because you cared for my family?

Looking back now, I can honestly say I was very grateful for my family, friends, and the community that came together after his passing to help my family – even though in my mentally fogged brain I doubted their intentions (very sorry for having that thought) on why they all of sudden were coming to my house. They did it knowing I needed the support, and sometimes the only thing someone else can do is make you an entire tray of lasagna because that helps them cope. There is no timeline on how long it should take for you to feel happy and appreciative again, it is a process, but if you take the smallest moments in your life and show gratitude then you are on your way.

The Journal –

In May 2024, I realized I wasn’t as appreciative as I use to be, nor as happy. Even when my kids made jokes, tried to make me laugh, or just watching them play outside – my inner child wasn’t lighting up. All I wanted was to be happy again, so I was on a search of finding the simplest happiest moments of daily life that I could show gratitude. I realized my life wasn’t set in stone and I still have the opportunity to create a new path, but I needed to find the happiness and the positivity that already existed in my life.

For some people it is easy to grab a notebook and journal their daily events, but I wasn’t good at maintaining a daily journal. Way too much writing, thinking, and I just wanted something quick to remind myself of the happiness and the good parts of my life. I needed a journal that had prompts that made me think of the moments I had that day that could bring me happiness and change my outlook. When you haven’t been happy for a long period of time, it is hard to recognize what happy moments look like. So, I found a book by Sophia Godkin, PhD titled “The 5-Minute Gratitude Journal.” This was a game changer!

All it took was five minutes or less a day to fill out the four thoughtful prompted questions. Plus, there were inspirational quotes and positive affirmations set on each day. It was so easy to complete and it honestly made you think of the smallest moments in life from that day. Sometimes if those moments weren’t from that day – I would use a memory from the past week. But it made me think/realize how great my life was while giving me hope on what the future possibilities could be.

At the beginning of completing the journal daily, I probably used my children in at least once, if not twice while answering the prompted questions. My children gave me daily strength to keep moving forward – they were the ones that pushed me to change my mindset to live a more appreciative life. Now that it has been a year of working through the journal, my answers range with some days not including my children, but now more on my own personal growth. I can honestly say I’m very proud of myself on how I positively changed my mindset. I am much stronger emotionally and mentally with more gratitude for this life – I’m finding the joy!

Making the change